I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
