right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
