he thought i was a dude.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
