I have demons in me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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