But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
