You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
