it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
