I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize