ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
