you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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