all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
