Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
