I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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