Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
