Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My cat gives me a boner
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
