Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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