Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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