i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
