You just made me feel so damn special
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she peed on how many people?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
