i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
