I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
