Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
