Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
