we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize