So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
