So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize