I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
