just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
