i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
