i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Randomize
