i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
