I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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