When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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