so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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