just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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