My friends, they love my intelligence
My vagina just recognized that song.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
