Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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