I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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