We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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