Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
