I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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