I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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