Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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