I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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