yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
