Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
