The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
