You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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