I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
