My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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