sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
