mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
