Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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