we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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