I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize