my sisters under your porch take her home
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
