I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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