do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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