i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
