Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
