oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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