oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
