they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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