His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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