Four minutes until I can fart!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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