im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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