I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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